Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
