I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's official drugs can't kill me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
