I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There r osticjed everywhere
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
