I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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