I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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