Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
