oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Send help, water and tortillas.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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