last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
me + whiskey = a bad person
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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