My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
