Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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