I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
