You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He? As in you personified your dick?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
