she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
