I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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