I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
