so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize