The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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