I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
