eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize