I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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