Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
why is half of my head shaved?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
