I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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