I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
