i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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