Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
