some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
