thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
