He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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