Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
