i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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