yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
