It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
