He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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