I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
