I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize