so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
