She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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