Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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