I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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