It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
