i just wanna soil my oats bro
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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