just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
