Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
