his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
