My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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