Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
