her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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