Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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