look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
