A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
