On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
