god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
