I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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