i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
