you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
