Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
