ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
