I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
