I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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