i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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