I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
