It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
