Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
