just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
