saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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