Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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