My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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