yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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