I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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