am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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